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Random musings on a writer's life & times, with occasional input from acquaintances

 

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

 
TOP 30 REASONS PEORIA DAVE NEEDS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF OREGON:


30. Ex-Californians have bought all the houses

29. Johnnie Ray born in Dallas, Oregon

28. Fear of meeting a Portland Trailblazer in a dark alley

27. State animal is the banana slug

26. Bill Sizemore

25. My anti-depression light therapy lamp broke

24. No major studio to record my new CD, “Peoria Dave Sings Andrew Lloyd Webber"

23. Tonya Harding moved to Washington

22. Bought a hotrod car with dry-weather tires

21. No interesting senators like Bob Packwood any more

20. Too close to Winnemucca

19. University of Portland women never tear off shirts after winning soccer titles

18. Bend becoming Pasadena north

17. Nick Aliotti

16. Ken Kesey departed on that big bus in the sky

15. Montreal Expos may move to Portland and be rained out forever

14. Neil Goldschmidt no longer lets public vote on his power grabs

13. I’m a high school basketball player with talent

12. Lindsay Wagner most famous actress from state

11. Eight years as governor made John Kitzhaber move to Denver

10. Flunked my audition to play Bottom in Ashland production of “Midsummer Night’s Dream”

9. Ma Anand Sheela never invites me to lunch any more

8. No decent local movies since “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”

7. State’s best-selling author is Jean Auel

6. Howard Avery says travel is fun, especially with teen girl basketball players

5. Literary establishment believes U.S. ends at Pittsburgh

4. Lost my retirement money playing video poker at Spirit Mountain Casino

3. INS chasing me as illegal Mexican because I once picked beans

2. Entire membership of SNOB (Society of Native Oregon Born) moved to Idaho

1. Phil Knight hiring me to manage new Nike plant in Yap




Monday, January 05, 2004

 
Here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2004:

1) Don’t procrastinate.

2) Meet all deadlines.

3) Be on time for all holiday events, special occasions and . . .

What? I already violated my New Year’s resolutions by waiting until Jan. 5 to create them?

Well, to hell with it then. I’ll write something else tomorrow.






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