Random musings on a writer's life & times, with occasional input from acquaintances
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
TOP 30 REASONS PEORIA DAVE NEEDS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF OREGON:
30. Ex-Californians have bought all the houses
29. Johnnie Ray born in Dallas, Oregon
28. Fear of meeting a Portland Trailblazer in a dark alley
27. State animal is the banana slug
26. Bill Sizemore
25. My anti-depression light therapy lamp broke
24. No major studio to record my new CD, “Peoria Dave Sings Andrew Lloyd Webber"
23. Tonya Harding moved to Washington
22. Bought a hotrod car with dry-weather tires
21. No interesting senators like Bob Packwood any more
20. Too close to Winnemucca
19. University of Portland women never tear off shirts after winning soccer titles
18. Bend becoming Pasadena north
17. Nick Aliotti
16. Ken Kesey departed on that big bus in the sky
15. Montreal Expos may move to Portland and be rained out forever
14. Neil Goldschmidt no longer lets public vote on his power grabs
13. I’m a high school basketball player with talent
12. Lindsay Wagner most famous actress from state
11. Eight years as governor made John Kitzhaber move to Denver
10. Flunked my audition to play Bottom in Ashland production of “Midsummer Night’s Dream”
9. Ma Anand Sheela never invites me to lunch any more
8. No decent local movies since “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”
7. State’s best-selling author is Jean Auel
6. Howard Avery says travel is fun, especially with teen girl basketball players
5. Literary establishment believes U.S. ends at Pittsburgh
4. Lost my retirement money playing video poker at Spirit Mountain Casino
3. INS chasing me as illegal Mexican because I once picked beans
2. Entire membership of SNOB (Society of Native Oregon Born) moved to Idaho
1. Phil Knight hiring me to manage new Nike plant in Yap
Monday, January 05, 2004
Here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2004:
1) Don’t procrastinate.
2) Meet all deadlines.
3) Be on time for all holiday events, special occasions and . . .
What? I already violated my New Year’s resolutions by waiting until Jan. 5 to create them?
Well, to hell with it then. I’ll write something else tomorrow.